On March 15, 2006 we adopted our first dog from the shelter. We were told that he came from an abusive home and had many wounds both physically and emotionally. He was abused by a male and didn't like men. We took him from a walk around the building to see if he liked Jeremiah. We sat in the grass with him and he climbed in both of our laps and licked us in the face. A few short minutes later, we were traveling home with our new dog.
Bailey was our only baby for so long. He quickly became a part of our family. He was always really protective over me. He followed me whereever I went. If I went into another room even for a few minutes he followed. He was deathly afraid of thunderstorms and fireworks. So much so that he would shake for hours and use the bathroom, everywhere! He didn't like unknown men stepping foot in the front door. He even bit a few a couple of times. If the doorbell rang he went crazy. If he heard a door slam outside he went on the defense. He only barked at night if he felt it was warranted and if I needed to be alert. He was protective over our children. He loved to lay with you on the couch. He would climb up in Grant's lap to get some attention. He loved when Grant made a pallet on the floor and he got to lay on it with him. He was just as excited to see me if I was gone for 5 minutes or 5 days. When we got Bella, she made him young again. She had him play again like he was a puppy. There's no doubt in my mind that she is the reason why he lived as long as he did.
Bailey's hips and back legs were bad. He got to the point where it was difficult to walk. I could tell a few weeks before Greycie was born that he was feeling and looking old. It just happened so fast. All of a sudden the light in those eyes weren't so bright anymore. Jeremiah would keep reminding me that we would have to make a decision at some point. I was adament that he was going to live as long as he could. I refused to talk about it. After Greycie was born, he kept going downhill a little everyday. I cried a little everyday. I knew the end was drawing near. In the last week of his life he wasn't jumping up on the couch like he had done for years. I knew when he stopped jumping that it wasn't going to be much longer. This past Sunday, myself and the kids came home from church. Bailey met us at the door like always did but he fell on his side and couldn't really get up. I picked him up and held him for a while. I made him a pallet on the floor so he could lay somewhere comfortably. Jeremiah and I both looked at each other coming to an emotional and silent conclusion...let's get him through the night and once Grant was at daycare we would go to the vet for the inevitable. I put him on the bed with me for an afternoon nap like I have done for almost every Sunday for the past 8 1/2 years. After I woke up to feed Greycie, Bailey let out this howl. It was a noise I had never heard before and I immediately knew that he was dying. I picked him up and felt his heartbeat slowing down drastically. I called Jeremiah to come to me and told him that Bailey was going. I held him in my arms and within 10 minutes he was gone. I would like to think he didn't suffer. I got to be with him until the end. He got to be at home with us. I did not want to take him to the vet and make the decision of putting him down. It made me sick knowing that he would die on a cold table. He got to go at home just the way I wanted him to. I sobbed over him while Jeremiah just held me close. My puppy was gone.
For some a pet is just that a pet. For others a pet is another member of the family. Bailey was that to me. He was family. He was my boy. And I miss him terribly. I have cried every day since Sunday for the loss of my sweet boy. My home is so empty without him. It's been a slap in the face everyday that he isn't here. But I also think of the good times I had with him. How he waited all day for me to get home and how excited he was that we were here. He couldn't wait for me to sit down so he could cuddle. That dog was made for me and I was meant to choose him that day at the shelter. The past 8 1/2 years with him have been a blessing. That is what I will choose to remember. The good times and what he meant to our family. I will miss that sweet face but I remember it with a smile. I love you bunches my Bailey boy. I hope you are pain free now.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
And three became four
Jeremiah and I talked at great length about having another baby...should we try, do we want two children, can we handle it, what happens if we can't have another one, etc. There was no doubt in our minds that we wanted to give Grant a sibling. Coming from a family where I'm one of three kids and the closeness that my brother, sister and myself share I couldn't imagine not being able to give Grant that. Considering it took us so long to conceive Grant, I was completely prepared emotionally and mentally to go through that again with a second child. We visited a fertility doctor and I was on fertility medication and decided to take a break when we conceived Grant. That in itself let me know that there wasn't something wrong with me that could be explained. I had had a healthy baby without any assistance. Could I do it again? We both felt very strongly about not seeking any help from doctors or medication this go round. We knew it was physically possible for us to have a baby. We felt if it was meant to be it would. If God wanted us to have another baby we would. So we went with faith.
Four months later I have a positive pregnancy test sitting on my counter and the blood drains from my face. Jeremiah is asleep since he was working night shift and I was completely terrified. Wow! It happened so fast. I couldn't believe it. I remember the exact words that came out of my mouth the moment I saw the plus sign. I instantly started to worry. Would I be able to be a good mom to both of my babies? Would Grant be mad at me? Given Jeremiah's work schedule could I handle having two kids on my own for the majority of the time? I felt bad about being emotional about it. But I think it was a natural feeling to have with the second child. The emotion quickly became excitement and knowing God wanted us to have this baby.
I'll never forget our 12 week appointment. We were going to hear little bit's heartbeat. After speaking with the doctor and getting my measurements she pulls out the doppler to find the heartbeat. She tried and tried and couldn't find it. She says in a soft voice...let's get an ultrasound. She barely left the room to get it set up before I broke down and lost it. I was terrified. I was more worried with this pregnancy than I was with my first. I can't explain why. I questioned every twinge, ache, pain. And when she couldn't find that heartbeat I felt sick. Jeremiah and I were ushered into the ultrasound tech's room and immediately our baby was on the screen. I could see the profile and had a brief moment of...oh no, I'm going to have to see my baby and see no heartbeat. It was only a matter of seconds before I saw the flicker of the heartbeat. I then cried tears of joy. The doctor even cried with us. What a relief. That ultrasound was on Valentine's Day. What a gift we got that day to see we had a healthy baby so far with a strong heartbeat. I didn't want to be that scared or worried ever again. I should have known that baby Beam was going to be stubborn at that point. Every visit from there on out, the heartbeat was hard to find. At 21 weeks, we found out that baby Beam was going to be a girl. I was stunned. Me? With a girl? Oh boy...here we go. Girls intimidate me. Not the right now but the later down the road. I know how I was as a preteen and teenager so naturally I'm nervous that my daughter will have that attitude that I do. Stay tuned on that one...
After a short 9 months and a scheduled c-section later, Greycie Leigh Beam was born. I tell you, I would choose a scheduled c-section all over again. I had some issues coming to that conclusion but after listening to the risks and looking at the paper that I had to sign off on, it was a no brainer. Especially after hearing Jeremiah say...Ara, I just need a healthy baby and a healthy momma. Why does it matter how she gets here? I knew he was right.
After an extremely emotional night before delivery, I dropped Grant off at daycare for the last time as the only child. I came home and we loaded the car and straightened up the house and to the hospital we went. Everyone at the hospital was great...nurses, technicians, doctors. Everyone! We were geared up and ready to go. Jeremiah took the stance beside my head like last time and grabbed my hand. I laid on that table looking into his eyes gathering the strength from him that I needed to get her here. After a few short minutes, some tucks, pulls and pressure I hear the most wonderful sound of her cry and the doctor telling me that Greycie was here. At that moment looking at Jeremiah and us both crying that our baby girl was here, every single moment was so worth it.
Greycie Leigh Beam made her appearance on August 21, 2014 at 12:35 pm weighing in at 6 lbs 4.8 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. And looking every bit the spitting image of her big brother. I will never forget the look on Grant's face when he saw her for the first time. He was so excited and so soft with her. He wanted to hold her and cuddle with her and kiss her all over. And he hasn't stopped any of those things.
The world with two kids is crazy busy and sometimes you just don't know if you are coming or going some days. But the world with two kids is worth every second. There are many days I have to remind myself to be patient. I can't always be supermom and get everyone's request or demand fulfilled right away but I'm trying. I couldn't ask for a better life than what I have. Grant loves his sister more than anything in this world and tells her every day that she is his best friend. I know he won't always feel that way. I know they will get on each other's nerves and they will fight and argue. But I hope that they share the closeness that I do with my brother and sister. Our bond is inseparable and it's strong. I'm so glad that Greycie has Grant as her big brother. I hope he will always look out for her and love her and protect her. I hope she will always love him and look up to him.
My babies mean the world to me. I always hope that I will be a good mom to them. In the meantime, I'm soaking up every second of every day that I have with them. They won't stay babies forever. They will quickly grow up and before I blink they will be going to school, on dates and getting married.
To my Grant and Greycie...mommy loves you more than you will ever know. And I will always be here for you to do whatever I can to make your lives fulfilled. Love you both to the moon and back.
Four months later I have a positive pregnancy test sitting on my counter and the blood drains from my face. Jeremiah is asleep since he was working night shift and I was completely terrified. Wow! It happened so fast. I couldn't believe it. I remember the exact words that came out of my mouth the moment I saw the plus sign. I instantly started to worry. Would I be able to be a good mom to both of my babies? Would Grant be mad at me? Given Jeremiah's work schedule could I handle having two kids on my own for the majority of the time? I felt bad about being emotional about it. But I think it was a natural feeling to have with the second child. The emotion quickly became excitement and knowing God wanted us to have this baby.
I'll never forget our 12 week appointment. We were going to hear little bit's heartbeat. After speaking with the doctor and getting my measurements she pulls out the doppler to find the heartbeat. She tried and tried and couldn't find it. She says in a soft voice...let's get an ultrasound. She barely left the room to get it set up before I broke down and lost it. I was terrified. I was more worried with this pregnancy than I was with my first. I can't explain why. I questioned every twinge, ache, pain. And when she couldn't find that heartbeat I felt sick. Jeremiah and I were ushered into the ultrasound tech's room and immediately our baby was on the screen. I could see the profile and had a brief moment of...oh no, I'm going to have to see my baby and see no heartbeat. It was only a matter of seconds before I saw the flicker of the heartbeat. I then cried tears of joy. The doctor even cried with us. What a relief. That ultrasound was on Valentine's Day. What a gift we got that day to see we had a healthy baby so far with a strong heartbeat. I didn't want to be that scared or worried ever again. I should have known that baby Beam was going to be stubborn at that point. Every visit from there on out, the heartbeat was hard to find. At 21 weeks, we found out that baby Beam was going to be a girl. I was stunned. Me? With a girl? Oh boy...here we go. Girls intimidate me. Not the right now but the later down the road. I know how I was as a preteen and teenager so naturally I'm nervous that my daughter will have that attitude that I do. Stay tuned on that one...
After a short 9 months and a scheduled c-section later, Greycie Leigh Beam was born. I tell you, I would choose a scheduled c-section all over again. I had some issues coming to that conclusion but after listening to the risks and looking at the paper that I had to sign off on, it was a no brainer. Especially after hearing Jeremiah say...Ara, I just need a healthy baby and a healthy momma. Why does it matter how she gets here? I knew he was right.
After an extremely emotional night before delivery, I dropped Grant off at daycare for the last time as the only child. I came home and we loaded the car and straightened up the house and to the hospital we went. Everyone at the hospital was great...nurses, technicians, doctors. Everyone! We were geared up and ready to go. Jeremiah took the stance beside my head like last time and grabbed my hand. I laid on that table looking into his eyes gathering the strength from him that I needed to get her here. After a few short minutes, some tucks, pulls and pressure I hear the most wonderful sound of her cry and the doctor telling me that Greycie was here. At that moment looking at Jeremiah and us both crying that our baby girl was here, every single moment was so worth it.
Greycie Leigh Beam made her appearance on August 21, 2014 at 12:35 pm weighing in at 6 lbs 4.8 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. And looking every bit the spitting image of her big brother. I will never forget the look on Grant's face when he saw her for the first time. He was so excited and so soft with her. He wanted to hold her and cuddle with her and kiss her all over. And he hasn't stopped any of those things.
The world with two kids is crazy busy and sometimes you just don't know if you are coming or going some days. But the world with two kids is worth every second. There are many days I have to remind myself to be patient. I can't always be supermom and get everyone's request or demand fulfilled right away but I'm trying. I couldn't ask for a better life than what I have. Grant loves his sister more than anything in this world and tells her every day that she is his best friend. I know he won't always feel that way. I know they will get on each other's nerves and they will fight and argue. But I hope that they share the closeness that I do with my brother and sister. Our bond is inseparable and it's strong. I'm so glad that Greycie has Grant as her big brother. I hope he will always look out for her and love her and protect her. I hope she will always love him and look up to him.
My babies mean the world to me. I always hope that I will be a good mom to them. In the meantime, I'm soaking up every second of every day that I have with them. They won't stay babies forever. They will quickly grow up and before I blink they will be going to school, on dates and getting married.
To my Grant and Greycie...mommy loves you more than you will ever know. And I will always be here for you to do whatever I can to make your lives fulfilled. Love you both to the moon and back.
Friday, November 15, 2013
3 years came too fast
As I was out on my run this morning I began thinking about Grant and how quickly the past 3 years have gone. I can't believe he will be 3 tomorrow. I decided to spend my run thinking about my son and the past 3 years.
I thought about how long of a process it was to be able to have Grant. I never imagined getting pregnant would have taken so long for me. Even though I can recall all of those hard times, the hurt, the emotional stress and the longing that I had to have a baby...those times seem so insignificant now. I knew in my heart that I was supposed to be a mom. I also knew that God did things in his time and in his way. And He definitely proved that by giving me Grant when He did. My family was going through such a traumatic time with trying to cope and healing from the sudden passing of my brother-in-law Russell. A month later I found out I was pregnant. Once I found out it all just clicked and made sense to me. This is how it was supposed to be. God knew that my family would need this precious gift to help us through this difficult time. He knew that my sister needed the special bond she has with my son to help her cope. It wasn't easy for her, but the moment she laid eyes on Grant a few minutes after he was born she has had a smile on her face that is reserved just for Grant. He loves her so much and I can't help but feel that there's a special piece of Russell in him. He loves to play with Russell's wedding band that hangs on a necklace on my sister's neck. He knows that it's Uncle Russell's ring and that it holds such great importance for my sister.
I thought about the time I spent in labor. The events that led up to arriving at the hospital and after. The painful contractions but then the wonderful feeling after receiving my epidural. The fast progression only to come to a halt because he turned face up. The reality of when the doctor told me I had to have a C-section and I cried. I purposefully didn't pay attention to that part in the labor class we took because I just knew I was going to have Grant the natural way. The talk that my dad gave me before going into surgery. The fast few minutes it took to get Grant out and to hear his cry. I believe my heart stopped. There he was...my Granty...just the way I dreamt him to be - blond hair and blue eyes with the sweetest face...the one I had prayed for for so long...the one I cried over and rejoiced over...the one that I knew would change my life forever. Once we found out he was a boy I knew (well before I was even thinking about children) that I would name him Grant, my maiden name. It's such a strong name and one that holds so many meanings. My dad has always said that I was 110% Grant. So why not name my son a name that holds such great importance. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous when we brought him home. But the mother instincts had long since kicked in and we quickly became a family of 3 and had a daily routine.
I thought about his first year that held so many firsts..his first bath, rolling over, first tooth, first hug, first kiss, first word, crawling, clapping, first steps, first vacation, dancing and many others. I wanted to be there and capture it all. He went from being a fragile little baby to a fast moving one year old.
I thought about his second year that also held many firsts...not all great but definitely milestones I know I won't ever forget...first temper tantrum, first time biting someone, first haircut, first swimming lesson. The terrible twos reared its ugly head when he turned 18 months old. So the twos were at times not the biggest treat. But yet under all of that, my baby was quickly becoming a toddler.
Grant is very head strong. He's worse than Jeremiah and I combined. And that is definitely challenging at times. He doesn't always enjoy getting up in the mornings and when he does it takes almost an act of Congress to get him dressed to go to daycare. He's very opinionated. He wants what he wants when he wants it. He's not afraid to hit at you or tell you no or my personal favorite, no not eber! He loves drama. I swear he could win an academy award for it. He doesn't always listen well. I can't tell you how many times we go round and round with this one.
But, he loves unconditionally. He loves to give me hugs and kisses. He will tell me he loves me multiple times a day. My favorite is when he's sitting in my lap turns and says...ahh, mommy...love you too much. My heart melts. He smiles all the time. His voice is the sweetest I have ever heard. He plays so well with his toys. He goes to bed without arguing. He insists on us saying his prayers. He loves a blanket. He loves to snuggle. He loves to come to work with me and see Chauncey's house. He loves the iPad and iPhone. He helps me clean house. He loves the vacuum cleaner (I'm waiting for him to get big enough to vacuum himself...that will be his chore). He loves to play outside. He loves to play and watch football and basketball. He's pretty good with his golf clubs. He's devastated when the dogs eat his food or snacks. He loves to be barefooted. He loves to get in the car and ride. He loves the beach. He loves airplanes, helicopters, cars, trucks, tractors and motorcycles. He says, yes ma'am, thank you and please. He's a momma's boy! :)
All I ever wanted was to be a mom. When God gave me Grant I vowed to teach him to always choose the right...to love God...to be an example for him just like my parents have always been for me...to teach him manners because that will get him so far in life...to always be there to listen to him...to show him how much I love him so I never have to question whether he knew I did...to protect him...to provide for him...to have fun with him...to make him laugh...to hold him...to wipe his tears away...to kiss his scrapes and bruises...to be his friend...to hug and kiss him...to snuggle with him...to teach him how to be a man...how to treat a woman...to love others...to be kind...to be respectful...to always make a wish...to always be positive...to not sweat the small stuff...how to learn from a mistake...to live life to the fullest.
My Granty has been the best gift I have ever received. I'm so glad that I am his mom. Happy 3rd Birthday Little Boy! I hope your tractor party is all you hope it to be. Love you much!
I thought about how long of a process it was to be able to have Grant. I never imagined getting pregnant would have taken so long for me. Even though I can recall all of those hard times, the hurt, the emotional stress and the longing that I had to have a baby...those times seem so insignificant now. I knew in my heart that I was supposed to be a mom. I also knew that God did things in his time and in his way. And He definitely proved that by giving me Grant when He did. My family was going through such a traumatic time with trying to cope and healing from the sudden passing of my brother-in-law Russell. A month later I found out I was pregnant. Once I found out it all just clicked and made sense to me. This is how it was supposed to be. God knew that my family would need this precious gift to help us through this difficult time. He knew that my sister needed the special bond she has with my son to help her cope. It wasn't easy for her, but the moment she laid eyes on Grant a few minutes after he was born she has had a smile on her face that is reserved just for Grant. He loves her so much and I can't help but feel that there's a special piece of Russell in him. He loves to play with Russell's wedding band that hangs on a necklace on my sister's neck. He knows that it's Uncle Russell's ring and that it holds such great importance for my sister.
I thought about the time I spent in labor. The events that led up to arriving at the hospital and after. The painful contractions but then the wonderful feeling after receiving my epidural. The fast progression only to come to a halt because he turned face up. The reality of when the doctor told me I had to have a C-section and I cried. I purposefully didn't pay attention to that part in the labor class we took because I just knew I was going to have Grant the natural way. The talk that my dad gave me before going into surgery. The fast few minutes it took to get Grant out and to hear his cry. I believe my heart stopped. There he was...my Granty...just the way I dreamt him to be - blond hair and blue eyes with the sweetest face...the one I had prayed for for so long...the one I cried over and rejoiced over...the one that I knew would change my life forever. Once we found out he was a boy I knew (well before I was even thinking about children) that I would name him Grant, my maiden name. It's such a strong name and one that holds so many meanings. My dad has always said that I was 110% Grant. So why not name my son a name that holds such great importance. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous when we brought him home. But the mother instincts had long since kicked in and we quickly became a family of 3 and had a daily routine.
I thought about his first year that held so many firsts..his first bath, rolling over, first tooth, first hug, first kiss, first word, crawling, clapping, first steps, first vacation, dancing and many others. I wanted to be there and capture it all. He went from being a fragile little baby to a fast moving one year old.
I thought about his second year that also held many firsts...not all great but definitely milestones I know I won't ever forget...first temper tantrum, first time biting someone, first haircut, first swimming lesson. The terrible twos reared its ugly head when he turned 18 months old. So the twos were at times not the biggest treat. But yet under all of that, my baby was quickly becoming a toddler.
Grant is very head strong. He's worse than Jeremiah and I combined. And that is definitely challenging at times. He doesn't always enjoy getting up in the mornings and when he does it takes almost an act of Congress to get him dressed to go to daycare. He's very opinionated. He wants what he wants when he wants it. He's not afraid to hit at you or tell you no or my personal favorite, no not eber! He loves drama. I swear he could win an academy award for it. He doesn't always listen well. I can't tell you how many times we go round and round with this one.
But, he loves unconditionally. He loves to give me hugs and kisses. He will tell me he loves me multiple times a day. My favorite is when he's sitting in my lap turns and says...ahh, mommy...love you too much. My heart melts. He smiles all the time. His voice is the sweetest I have ever heard. He plays so well with his toys. He goes to bed without arguing. He insists on us saying his prayers. He loves a blanket. He loves to snuggle. He loves to come to work with me and see Chauncey's house. He loves the iPad and iPhone. He helps me clean house. He loves the vacuum cleaner (I'm waiting for him to get big enough to vacuum himself...that will be his chore). He loves to play outside. He loves to play and watch football and basketball. He's pretty good with his golf clubs. He's devastated when the dogs eat his food or snacks. He loves to be barefooted. He loves to get in the car and ride. He loves the beach. He loves airplanes, helicopters, cars, trucks, tractors and motorcycles. He says, yes ma'am, thank you and please. He's a momma's boy! :)
All I ever wanted was to be a mom. When God gave me Grant I vowed to teach him to always choose the right...to love God...to be an example for him just like my parents have always been for me...to teach him manners because that will get him so far in life...to always be there to listen to him...to show him how much I love him so I never have to question whether he knew I did...to protect him...to provide for him...to have fun with him...to make him laugh...to hold him...to wipe his tears away...to kiss his scrapes and bruises...to be his friend...to hug and kiss him...to snuggle with him...to teach him how to be a man...how to treat a woman...to love others...to be kind...to be respectful...to always make a wish...to always be positive...to not sweat the small stuff...how to learn from a mistake...to live life to the fullest.
My Granty has been the best gift I have ever received. I'm so glad that I am his mom. Happy 3rd Birthday Little Boy! I hope your tractor party is all you hope it to be. Love you much!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
The new normal?
Tonight I feel compelled to write and express my feelings...
My feeling is this...I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm confused, I'm sad and I'm worried. What is going on with our world today? We aren't safe in airplanes anymore...someone took that safety away from us. We aren't safe in our cars anymore...people that are careless and don't pay attention take that away from us everyday. We aren't safe in our homes anymore...people feel the need to invade people's homes on a daily basis to take what's not theirs or to hurt whoever stand in their way take that away from us. Our children, teachers and administrators aren't safe in schools anymore...thoughtless, spineless and cruel people have taken that away for so many. What's left?
So many awful things have happened recently. Since December a school was gunned down and so many innocent lives were taken in just a few short minutes. I cannot imagine what all of those individuals felt in that school that day. Hearing those first gun shots, seeing the utter fear on the faces of those little ones who just thought it was supposed to be another day at school, the panic in the parent's eyes trying to find their little one, the horror of the images that the first responders will never forget seeing and the shock that this nation faced that someone could be that cruel. Explosives go off during a marathon killing several, wounding many and changing the lives of thousands. What should have been a happy day for all of those runners who worked so hard to get to Boston turned into a day they would never forget. These runners are the elite or the elite. The people there cheering them on are their family and friends who sacrificed just a much time as they did during all of the hours of training. What gives anyone the right to take any of that away from us? What makes someone so cruel that they feel the need to walk out their front door that morning and change people's lives for the worse forever? What is in someone that makes them that mean and heartless?
I know first hand the experience of tragedy and how quickly lives can change in a blink of an eye. But I cannot imagine what it's like experiencing and witnessing something of this magnitude. I've seen car accidents that was caused by someone texting or not paying attention or someone had too much to drink and made a bad choice to drive. I've been driving down the road with my husband and son in the car watching an oncoming car lose complete control of his SUV because he was on his phone. Everything went in slow motion as I had this huge car coming at me full speed. I watched him lose control and go on two wheels. I just knew that he was going to flip and take us with him. I've experienced the absolute dread and terror knowing that there wasn't anything I could do to get out of his way...he was coming right for us. In that split second I turned to look back at my precious son wondering what could I do to protect him as he slept peacefully in his carseat. As quickly as it happened the driver was able to jerk his car across four lanes of traffic into the front lawn of a business barely missing my car and two others. When faced with these moments you try to make the conscientious effort to pay more attention, to be more careful, to not look at your phone because it's really not more important that the lives of the ones in your car or the cars around you.
But what's different from what I've experienced than others is that these acts were deliberate and calculated. Someone made the meticulous effort and thought into harming people intentionally. That is what I cannot wrap my head around. I still think continuously of those little children at Sandy Hook and what all of those lives must be like now. I can't stop thinking about these runners and spectators at the marathon yesterday. I've thought...that could have been me and my family. That could have been any of my friends that are runners and their families. My family has been crowded together at the finish line many times. This could have easily happened to them. After the news came through that there was a bomb at the marathon yesterday the magnitude of it had my office going into sheer panic. Panic for our coworker and our friend who was running the marathon. Panic for his wife who I knew would be waiting for him at the finish line like she has done so many times before. We were all so worried until we were able to hear from him and confirm that they were both ok. So many people didn't get that phone call.
A few months ago we were required to go through active shooter training at work. I don't think anyone is really prepared for what they are going to discuss or show when you go into these types of things. The one statement that the speaker said that has stuck with me since that day is forever branded into my mind. He said...it's not IF it will happen to us, it's WHEN it will happen to us. Is this our new normal? Is this how we live our lives now? Do we always have to assume the worst in someone? Being a police officer's wife, your opinion of people in general becomes rather jaded given what your spouse deals with on a daily basis. But in the good ole days, this is really the only people who dealt with the bad (for the most part). Unfortunately, I don't feel that's the case anymore and that's the sad part.
My hope is that my son will know that there is still some good in the world as he grows up. In the meantime, I will continue to teach him that there are still some good people left who truly love others. I will continue to teach him that there isn't so much hatred in the world that love and light still shine through. I will continue to hold him close, hug him, kiss him and tell him I love him more than anything in the world multiple times a day. If there is one thing that I've learned from all of these heinous acts of violence it's been that I don't know when my last day on this Earth will be so I will try to live everyday to its fullest. I will try to remember to not sweat the small stuff and to not get too overwhelmed. I will try to always treat others as I want to be treated. I will try to always let those I love and hold dear to me know that as much as I can.
I pray for the people affected by these tragic events such as these everyday. I ask God to bless them and help their families cope with whatever the outcome may be. My thoughts and prayers are with those in Boston!
My feeling is this...I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm confused, I'm sad and I'm worried. What is going on with our world today? We aren't safe in airplanes anymore...someone took that safety away from us. We aren't safe in our cars anymore...people that are careless and don't pay attention take that away from us everyday. We aren't safe in our homes anymore...people feel the need to invade people's homes on a daily basis to take what's not theirs or to hurt whoever stand in their way take that away from us. Our children, teachers and administrators aren't safe in schools anymore...thoughtless, spineless and cruel people have taken that away for so many. What's left?
So many awful things have happened recently. Since December a school was gunned down and so many innocent lives were taken in just a few short minutes. I cannot imagine what all of those individuals felt in that school that day. Hearing those first gun shots, seeing the utter fear on the faces of those little ones who just thought it was supposed to be another day at school, the panic in the parent's eyes trying to find their little one, the horror of the images that the first responders will never forget seeing and the shock that this nation faced that someone could be that cruel. Explosives go off during a marathon killing several, wounding many and changing the lives of thousands. What should have been a happy day for all of those runners who worked so hard to get to Boston turned into a day they would never forget. These runners are the elite or the elite. The people there cheering them on are their family and friends who sacrificed just a much time as they did during all of the hours of training. What gives anyone the right to take any of that away from us? What makes someone so cruel that they feel the need to walk out their front door that morning and change people's lives for the worse forever? What is in someone that makes them that mean and heartless?
I know first hand the experience of tragedy and how quickly lives can change in a blink of an eye. But I cannot imagine what it's like experiencing and witnessing something of this magnitude. I've seen car accidents that was caused by someone texting or not paying attention or someone had too much to drink and made a bad choice to drive. I've been driving down the road with my husband and son in the car watching an oncoming car lose complete control of his SUV because he was on his phone. Everything went in slow motion as I had this huge car coming at me full speed. I watched him lose control and go on two wheels. I just knew that he was going to flip and take us with him. I've experienced the absolute dread and terror knowing that there wasn't anything I could do to get out of his way...he was coming right for us. In that split second I turned to look back at my precious son wondering what could I do to protect him as he slept peacefully in his carseat. As quickly as it happened the driver was able to jerk his car across four lanes of traffic into the front lawn of a business barely missing my car and two others. When faced with these moments you try to make the conscientious effort to pay more attention, to be more careful, to not look at your phone because it's really not more important that the lives of the ones in your car or the cars around you.
But what's different from what I've experienced than others is that these acts were deliberate and calculated. Someone made the meticulous effort and thought into harming people intentionally. That is what I cannot wrap my head around. I still think continuously of those little children at Sandy Hook and what all of those lives must be like now. I can't stop thinking about these runners and spectators at the marathon yesterday. I've thought...that could have been me and my family. That could have been any of my friends that are runners and their families. My family has been crowded together at the finish line many times. This could have easily happened to them. After the news came through that there was a bomb at the marathon yesterday the magnitude of it had my office going into sheer panic. Panic for our coworker and our friend who was running the marathon. Panic for his wife who I knew would be waiting for him at the finish line like she has done so many times before. We were all so worried until we were able to hear from him and confirm that they were both ok. So many people didn't get that phone call.
A few months ago we were required to go through active shooter training at work. I don't think anyone is really prepared for what they are going to discuss or show when you go into these types of things. The one statement that the speaker said that has stuck with me since that day is forever branded into my mind. He said...it's not IF it will happen to us, it's WHEN it will happen to us. Is this our new normal? Is this how we live our lives now? Do we always have to assume the worst in someone? Being a police officer's wife, your opinion of people in general becomes rather jaded given what your spouse deals with on a daily basis. But in the good ole days, this is really the only people who dealt with the bad (for the most part). Unfortunately, I don't feel that's the case anymore and that's the sad part.
My hope is that my son will know that there is still some good in the world as he grows up. In the meantime, I will continue to teach him that there are still some good people left who truly love others. I will continue to teach him that there isn't so much hatred in the world that love and light still shine through. I will continue to hold him close, hug him, kiss him and tell him I love him more than anything in the world multiple times a day. If there is one thing that I've learned from all of these heinous acts of violence it's been that I don't know when my last day on this Earth will be so I will try to live everyday to its fullest. I will try to remember to not sweat the small stuff and to not get too overwhelmed. I will try to always treat others as I want to be treated. I will try to always let those I love and hold dear to me know that as much as I can.
I pray for the people affected by these tragic events such as these everyday. I ask God to bless them and help their families cope with whatever the outcome may be. My thoughts and prayers are with those in Boston!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Terrible Twos
Grant is 21 months old...three months shy of turning 2 and the terrible twos has been showing its ugly face for the past 6 months. I knew that I would probably have a child that would definitely be a handful at times...especially given that my mom constantly reminds me of how I was at this age. I believe her words are "you definitely had a mind of your own." Well, for those of you who know me and know me well know that's an understatement, even today. To say that Grant's name fits him to a T pretty much sums it up. He has about as much patience as my dad does and he definitely has a temper like his momma. I said all of this to say...I HATE the terrible twos.
Don't get me wrong, Grant is the best thing that has ever happened to my life. He is my heart and the light of my life. He can be the absolute sweetest little boy one second but then he gets down right mad and so frustrated when something doesn't go his way the next it's ridiculous. Jeremiah and I are trying our best to deal with these awful temper tamtrums. Sometimes, all I can do after a long day is call my sister and cry because I feel like a terrible mom. He bites, he kicks, he screams, he bangs his head against the wall and within the next 5 seconds he could be giving you a kiss, the biggest hug, the softest back pat and just sitting in your lap showing you as much love as possible. I keep telling myself this is a phase and we will get through it. The biting is the worst of all. He "usually" does it when he's angry, mad or frustrated. I have tried all there is on the internet for suggestions and nothing works. I have talked to a many of moms out there who have gone through the same thing and all of them had said..."they will just grow out of it." Well...can someone tell me when exactly that will be? I would love for someone to say on December 6th of 2012 he will stop. I know that's still 4 months of dealing with the biting but I think I could make it through the next 4 months as long as I know there's an end to this madness. You gotta love the suggestions on the internet that say, I sit my daughter down and explain to her that our teeth are for chewing not for biting people. Ok lady, I can really see myself sitting my 21 month old down for a heart to heart conversation and he totally understanding what I'm saying. Next suggestion please!
I guess I had it coming considering he was the absolute best baby for the first year of his life. I've got to admit that I have had it very easy with him. He has slept through the night since he was 8 weeks old, I can count on one hand how many times I have lost sleep at night because he doesn't feel well, he's never been one to have problems with teething and he has always ate really well.
Being a parent has taught me so much. It has taught me unconditional love. No matter how mad I get at him or how upset he gets at me, he will still always love me at the end of the day. Most of the time after he has been disciplined he's coming at me with arms wide opened and crying and saying "momma". I've learned that I have to discipline him regardless of how much I hate it and it hurts my feelings. I've learned that it's okay to wake up the next morning knowing that it's a new day and I can strive to be a better mom. I've learned how to be more patient. I've learned that most of Grant's tamtrums are because he's not able to express all of his frustrations yet in words and sentences.
I've learned that being a mom is the best and most rewarding job in the world. I have the absolute most precious boy to prove that.
On the upside of things, he's growing so much. He's still a little thing in size but has a bottomless pit of a stomach and is always hungry. He loves his "tootkies" and knows where the snack cabinet is. He loves pulling out all my pots, pans and utensils. He has a system to this madness and has to start on the mess once we get home in the evenings. It's become part of his routine and I've learned to love it regardless if I about break my neck on the lid to the pot because it's all over my kitchen floor while I try to cook. He loves books and coloring and doesn't really want you to sing to him unless he is laying down to go to sleep for the night. He loves to sit with you in the chair and watch tv. He gives the sweetest kisses and will say thank you. Remember when I said earlier that he could be sweet?
Through all the bad moments there are ten good moments that far outweigh the one bad. The terrible twos will quickly vanish just as quickly as they came and then we will be on to the next phase. I'm trying to remind myself to enjoy everyday with him because it won't be like this for long. I'm not ready for my little boy to grow up. I want him to stay little forever and to always need his momma.
To my little boy who knows how to test my patience daily, your mommy loves you more than anyone or anything in the world. I will always be there to hold your hand, kiss your scrapes and bruises, play with you, give you hugs and kisses, and tell you I love you as much as possible everyday. You are my light and life and I love you very much...regardless of how many times you bite me. :)
Don't get me wrong, Grant is the best thing that has ever happened to my life. He is my heart and the light of my life. He can be the absolute sweetest little boy one second but then he gets down right mad and so frustrated when something doesn't go his way the next it's ridiculous. Jeremiah and I are trying our best to deal with these awful temper tamtrums. Sometimes, all I can do after a long day is call my sister and cry because I feel like a terrible mom. He bites, he kicks, he screams, he bangs his head against the wall and within the next 5 seconds he could be giving you a kiss, the biggest hug, the softest back pat and just sitting in your lap showing you as much love as possible. I keep telling myself this is a phase and we will get through it. The biting is the worst of all. He "usually" does it when he's angry, mad or frustrated. I have tried all there is on the internet for suggestions and nothing works. I have talked to a many of moms out there who have gone through the same thing and all of them had said..."they will just grow out of it." Well...can someone tell me when exactly that will be? I would love for someone to say on December 6th of 2012 he will stop. I know that's still 4 months of dealing with the biting but I think I could make it through the next 4 months as long as I know there's an end to this madness. You gotta love the suggestions on the internet that say, I sit my daughter down and explain to her that our teeth are for chewing not for biting people. Ok lady, I can really see myself sitting my 21 month old down for a heart to heart conversation and he totally understanding what I'm saying. Next suggestion please!
I guess I had it coming considering he was the absolute best baby for the first year of his life. I've got to admit that I have had it very easy with him. He has slept through the night since he was 8 weeks old, I can count on one hand how many times I have lost sleep at night because he doesn't feel well, he's never been one to have problems with teething and he has always ate really well.
Being a parent has taught me so much. It has taught me unconditional love. No matter how mad I get at him or how upset he gets at me, he will still always love me at the end of the day. Most of the time after he has been disciplined he's coming at me with arms wide opened and crying and saying "momma". I've learned that I have to discipline him regardless of how much I hate it and it hurts my feelings. I've learned that it's okay to wake up the next morning knowing that it's a new day and I can strive to be a better mom. I've learned how to be more patient. I've learned that most of Grant's tamtrums are because he's not able to express all of his frustrations yet in words and sentences.
I've learned that being a mom is the best and most rewarding job in the world. I have the absolute most precious boy to prove that.
On the upside of things, he's growing so much. He's still a little thing in size but has a bottomless pit of a stomach and is always hungry. He loves his "tootkies" and knows where the snack cabinet is. He loves pulling out all my pots, pans and utensils. He has a system to this madness and has to start on the mess once we get home in the evenings. It's become part of his routine and I've learned to love it regardless if I about break my neck on the lid to the pot because it's all over my kitchen floor while I try to cook. He loves books and coloring and doesn't really want you to sing to him unless he is laying down to go to sleep for the night. He loves to sit with you in the chair and watch tv. He gives the sweetest kisses and will say thank you. Remember when I said earlier that he could be sweet?
Through all the bad moments there are ten good moments that far outweigh the one bad. The terrible twos will quickly vanish just as quickly as they came and then we will be on to the next phase. I'm trying to remind myself to enjoy everyday with him because it won't be like this for long. I'm not ready for my little boy to grow up. I want him to stay little forever and to always need his momma.
To my little boy who knows how to test my patience daily, your mommy loves you more than anyone or anything in the world. I will always be there to hold your hand, kiss your scrapes and bruises, play with you, give you hugs and kisses, and tell you I love you as much as possible everyday. You are my light and life and I love you very much...regardless of how many times you bite me. :)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
One quick year...One HUGE blessing...
I sit here tonight thinking back on this last year. It's 8:13 when I started typing this and I think back to what was I doing 1 year ago at this moment...
I had just arrived at the hospital with contractions 2 minutes apart and 4 cm dilated. I was hooked up to a monitor, sitting straight up while having contractions, and remembering why on earth I ever wasted $50 on my birthing class because all those "breathing techniques" you are supposed to use went straight out the window. I remember feeling overwhelmed with knowing that within hours I would be a mommy. Something that I had wanted and prayed for for so long. Something that Jeremiah and I waited a long 2 years for. But remembering the saying..."Good things come to those who wait" rang true for us. Because I had progressed so quickly I just knew I wouldn't have any issues but little did I know that my precious baby Grant had a different agenda. After thirteen hours of labor, a lot of excitement, no sleep, many laughs, many tears, and a pep talk from my dad, I had no other choice put to have a c-section. At 9:15 am on November 16, 2010, Jeremiah and I became parents. I still remember turning Jeremiah's hand completely purple and how he gently just took my hand from his and put it on the other one so he could get blood flow back. I remember my nurse Patti (who was the most amazing person ever) lean over and say "He's here AraLeigh...Grant's here." I remember the most precious cry and looking at the miracle we made and telling Jeremiah "He's here...he's really here."
Jeremiah and I sat reminiscing last night about every second of being in labor. I sit here tonight and reminisce of what the past year has been like for me. It's been nothing short of perfection. Grant has been the perfect baby. Of course he knows how to throw a fit like the best of them and get angry when you take something from him. But I couldn't have been luckier than having a baby who loves to sleep and will eat almost anything.
I remember all the firsts that I've been able to experience...the first time he smiled at me or started cooing. Or the moment where he started crawling and he crawled to me. The first time he laughed. His first word..."Hey". The first time I felt the tinniest point of his first tooth coming through. His first time going to the beach. Or when I finally gave in and moved him from our room to his crib. When I had to lower his crib because I found him standing straight up in his crib and trying to crawl over. The first time he understood what the word "kiss" meant. And just recently his first steps. Now that he has it down he's walking everywhere.
Grant has been a joy to us and our family. I felt complete when my family of 2 became a family of 3. I often think about what did we do before we had a baby. I can't even think about life without Grant. He truly is a gift from God. A gift that God decided to bless us with when my family was going through such a trying time. He has lightened the darkest days. He puts a smile on my face when all I've done all day is frown. He has dried my tears with his laughter. He has made me realize what patience really is. He's made me realize to enjoy every single moment regardless of how small it may be. He's made me realize to never take anything for granted.
Mommy can't being to tell you how much she loves you little boy. You have made me the happiest mommy in the world. I have thoroughly loved every single moment I have been given with you this past year. And I look forward to all the ones ahead. Happy Birthday to my precious baby Grant. You are loved more than you will ever know.
Love,
Mommy
I had just arrived at the hospital with contractions 2 minutes apart and 4 cm dilated. I was hooked up to a monitor, sitting straight up while having contractions, and remembering why on earth I ever wasted $50 on my birthing class because all those "breathing techniques" you are supposed to use went straight out the window. I remember feeling overwhelmed with knowing that within hours I would be a mommy. Something that I had wanted and prayed for for so long. Something that Jeremiah and I waited a long 2 years for. But remembering the saying..."Good things come to those who wait" rang true for us. Because I had progressed so quickly I just knew I wouldn't have any issues but little did I know that my precious baby Grant had a different agenda. After thirteen hours of labor, a lot of excitement, no sleep, many laughs, many tears, and a pep talk from my dad, I had no other choice put to have a c-section. At 9:15 am on November 16, 2010, Jeremiah and I became parents. I still remember turning Jeremiah's hand completely purple and how he gently just took my hand from his and put it on the other one so he could get blood flow back. I remember my nurse Patti (who was the most amazing person ever) lean over and say "He's here AraLeigh...Grant's here." I remember the most precious cry and looking at the miracle we made and telling Jeremiah "He's here...he's really here."
Jeremiah and I sat reminiscing last night about every second of being in labor. I sit here tonight and reminisce of what the past year has been like for me. It's been nothing short of perfection. Grant has been the perfect baby. Of course he knows how to throw a fit like the best of them and get angry when you take something from him. But I couldn't have been luckier than having a baby who loves to sleep and will eat almost anything.
I remember all the firsts that I've been able to experience...the first time he smiled at me or started cooing. Or the moment where he started crawling and he crawled to me. The first time he laughed. His first word..."Hey". The first time I felt the tinniest point of his first tooth coming through. His first time going to the beach. Or when I finally gave in and moved him from our room to his crib. When I had to lower his crib because I found him standing straight up in his crib and trying to crawl over. The first time he understood what the word "kiss" meant. And just recently his first steps. Now that he has it down he's walking everywhere.
Grant has been a joy to us and our family. I felt complete when my family of 2 became a family of 3. I often think about what did we do before we had a baby. I can't even think about life without Grant. He truly is a gift from God. A gift that God decided to bless us with when my family was going through such a trying time. He has lightened the darkest days. He puts a smile on my face when all I've done all day is frown. He has dried my tears with his laughter. He has made me realize what patience really is. He's made me realize to enjoy every single moment regardless of how small it may be. He's made me realize to never take anything for granted.
Mommy can't being to tell you how much she loves you little boy. You have made me the happiest mommy in the world. I have thoroughly loved every single moment I have been given with you this past year. And I look forward to all the ones ahead. Happy Birthday to my precious baby Grant. You are loved more than you will ever know.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Gratitude...
I sit here tonight in a quiet house...Grant's been asleep for sometime now, Jeremiah is still working and the dogs are sleeping. I've been playing around on the internet and researching some things when I came across a blog of a couple who documented the everyday journey of their son who had leukemia and lossed his honorable battle when he was just 3 years old. I have read their journal entries and have just cried and cried. As I sit in the peace and quiet with just my own thoughts, I'm struck with the overwhelming realization of how lucky I am and just how good I really do have it.
Other than the common cold and the normal bumps and bruises, I have been blessed so far with a healthy baby boy who is almost 1 year old. I often sit and think about how long it took me to get here. To finally get where I am today where I know my son is soundly asleep in the other room. For me to be able to say "my son" still feels like it's not real. My journey to have a baby wasn't as long or trecherous as other people's journies have been. Some people won't ever know what it feels like to have a child. Some people lose their children at such a young age to horrific accidents or illness just as these parents have. I've known everyday since the day I found out I was pregnant with Grant that he was a true blessing to me. God decided to give me the precious gift of a baby and trusted his life in my hands to keep him safe and to make sure he knows he's loved. Jeremiah and I often look at each other and say..."Can you believe he's really ours?"
I know that I am blessed and God has answered a many of prayer for me. But after reading the blog by the parents of this precious little boy who died of leukemia, I've been struck with what the meaning of life really is. They sat and literally watched the last breath taken by their baby boy. They got the priviledge to be with their son for only 3 years. They were robbed of his childhood. They did not get to see him grow up to a teenager or an adult and get to spend that quality time that most parents get to spend with their children. They did not get the everyday gift of having a child who was healthy. From the moment he was born he was diagnosed with this disease. They never got to know the normalcy that most of us do with our kids. Their normal and this little boy's normal was rounds of chemo, many many hospitals visits, being poked and prodded. I read most of their entries. Some were very detailed about his medical journey and others were just about the simple afternoons of playing outside or how he loved to put the chair up to the kitchen sink and play in the water. The mother talked about how she smiled while watching the raw happiness over his face while he played with the water and how she sighed when she had to clean up the mess. I sat back and thought tonight, how would I react if I found Grant doing this? Would I let him keep playing and watch with a smile like this mother did or would I scold him for making a mess? I cried for their loss because I now know what it would feel like to lose a child. My heart ached for them as I read their journey. My mind wouldn't stop thinking about how would I handle their situation. The parents kept reiterating that even though he was only in this world for a such a short amount of time the life lessons he taught them will forever be branded into their minds...especially the way he fought and wouldn't give up and how he kept smiling through it all. I couldn't help but think why do such awful and horrible things happen to such wonderful people.
This blog taught me to enjoy the little moments of life because it's the smallest moments that you will miss the most. The blog taught me who cares if Grant makes a mess? I can always clean it up and if he breaks something I can always replace it. The blog taught me to be more patient. We all have busy lives and I know I'm to blame more than anyone with rushing and not enjoying the simple fact that I was given another day with my family. There's a quote that I've loved and even used in my brother-in-law's eulogy that pretty much sums up how I look at life..."Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what's in the middle that counts." Our lives are a book...we know how it begins and we know how it will end but what we don't know is how the middle is going to be. It's up to us to make the middle count and worth while. To the parents of the blog I stumbled upon tonight...thank you for sharing your happiness, your grief, and your sorrow with me. You have opened my eyes to a world I was letting pass me by.
Other than the common cold and the normal bumps and bruises, I have been blessed so far with a healthy baby boy who is almost 1 year old. I often sit and think about how long it took me to get here. To finally get where I am today where I know my son is soundly asleep in the other room. For me to be able to say "my son" still feels like it's not real. My journey to have a baby wasn't as long or trecherous as other people's journies have been. Some people won't ever know what it feels like to have a child. Some people lose their children at such a young age to horrific accidents or illness just as these parents have. I've known everyday since the day I found out I was pregnant with Grant that he was a true blessing to me. God decided to give me the precious gift of a baby and trusted his life in my hands to keep him safe and to make sure he knows he's loved. Jeremiah and I often look at each other and say..."Can you believe he's really ours?"
I know that I am blessed and God has answered a many of prayer for me. But after reading the blog by the parents of this precious little boy who died of leukemia, I've been struck with what the meaning of life really is. They sat and literally watched the last breath taken by their baby boy. They got the priviledge to be with their son for only 3 years. They were robbed of his childhood. They did not get to see him grow up to a teenager or an adult and get to spend that quality time that most parents get to spend with their children. They did not get the everyday gift of having a child who was healthy. From the moment he was born he was diagnosed with this disease. They never got to know the normalcy that most of us do with our kids. Their normal and this little boy's normal was rounds of chemo, many many hospitals visits, being poked and prodded. I read most of their entries. Some were very detailed about his medical journey and others were just about the simple afternoons of playing outside or how he loved to put the chair up to the kitchen sink and play in the water. The mother talked about how she smiled while watching the raw happiness over his face while he played with the water and how she sighed when she had to clean up the mess. I sat back and thought tonight, how would I react if I found Grant doing this? Would I let him keep playing and watch with a smile like this mother did or would I scold him for making a mess? I cried for their loss because I now know what it would feel like to lose a child. My heart ached for them as I read their journey. My mind wouldn't stop thinking about how would I handle their situation. The parents kept reiterating that even though he was only in this world for a such a short amount of time the life lessons he taught them will forever be branded into their minds...especially the way he fought and wouldn't give up and how he kept smiling through it all. I couldn't help but think why do such awful and horrible things happen to such wonderful people.
This blog taught me to enjoy the little moments of life because it's the smallest moments that you will miss the most. The blog taught me who cares if Grant makes a mess? I can always clean it up and if he breaks something I can always replace it. The blog taught me to be more patient. We all have busy lives and I know I'm to blame more than anyone with rushing and not enjoying the simple fact that I was given another day with my family. There's a quote that I've loved and even used in my brother-in-law's eulogy that pretty much sums up how I look at life..."Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what's in the middle that counts." Our lives are a book...we know how it begins and we know how it will end but what we don't know is how the middle is going to be. It's up to us to make the middle count and worth while. To the parents of the blog I stumbled upon tonight...thank you for sharing your happiness, your grief, and your sorrow with me. You have opened my eyes to a world I was letting pass me by.
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