My feeling is this...I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm confused, I'm sad and I'm worried. What is going on with our world today? We aren't safe in airplanes anymore...someone took that safety away from us. We aren't safe in our cars anymore...people that are careless and don't pay attention take that away from us everyday. We aren't safe in our homes anymore...people feel the need to invade people's homes on a daily basis to take what's not theirs or to hurt whoever stand in their way take that away from us. Our children, teachers and administrators aren't safe in schools anymore...thoughtless, spineless and cruel people have taken that away for so many. What's left?
So many awful things have happened recently. Since December a school was gunned down and so many innocent lives were taken in just a few short minutes. I cannot imagine what all of those individuals felt in that school that day. Hearing those first gun shots, seeing the utter fear on the faces of those little ones who just thought it was supposed to be another day at school, the panic in the parent's eyes trying to find their little one, the horror of the images that the first responders will never forget seeing and the shock that this nation faced that someone could be that cruel. Explosives go off during a marathon killing several, wounding many and changing the lives of thousands. What should have been a happy day for all of those runners who worked so hard to get to Boston turned into a day they would never forget. These runners are the elite or the elite. The people there cheering them on are their family and friends who sacrificed just a much time as they did during all of the hours of training. What gives anyone the right to take any of that away from us? What makes someone so cruel that they feel the need to walk out their front door that morning and change people's lives for the worse forever? What is in someone that makes them that mean and heartless?
I know first hand the experience of tragedy and how quickly lives can change in a blink of an eye. But I cannot imagine what it's like experiencing and witnessing something of this magnitude. I've seen car accidents that was caused by someone texting or not paying attention or someone had too much to drink and made a bad choice to drive. I've been driving down the road with my husband and son in the car watching an oncoming car lose complete control of his SUV because he was on his phone. Everything went in slow motion as I had this huge car coming at me full speed. I watched him lose control and go on two wheels. I just knew that he was going to flip and take us with him. I've experienced the absolute dread and terror knowing that there wasn't anything I could do to get out of his way...he was coming right for us. In that split second I turned to look back at my precious son wondering what could I do to protect him as he slept peacefully in his carseat. As quickly as it happened the driver was able to jerk his car across four lanes of traffic into the front lawn of a business barely missing my car and two others. When faced with these moments you try to make the conscientious effort to pay more attention, to be more careful, to not look at your phone because it's really not more important that the lives of the ones in your car or the cars around you.
But what's different from what I've experienced than others is that these acts were deliberate and calculated. Someone made the meticulous effort and thought into harming people intentionally. That is what I cannot wrap my head around. I still think continuously of those little children at Sandy Hook and what all of those lives must be like now. I can't stop thinking about these runners and spectators at the marathon yesterday. I've thought...that could have been me and my family. That could have been any of my friends that are runners and their families. My family has been crowded together at the finish line many times. This could have easily happened to them. After the news came through that there was a bomb at the marathon yesterday the magnitude of it had my office going into sheer panic. Panic for our coworker and our friend who was running the marathon. Panic for his wife who I knew would be waiting for him at the finish line like she has done so many times before. We were all so worried until we were able to hear from him and confirm that they were both ok. So many people didn't get that phone call.
A few months ago we were required to go through active shooter training at work. I don't think anyone is really prepared for what they are going to discuss or show when you go into these types of things. The one statement that the speaker said that has stuck with me since that day is forever branded into my mind. He said...it's not IF it will happen to us, it's WHEN it will happen to us. Is this our new normal? Is this how we live our lives now? Do we always have to assume the worst in someone? Being a police officer's wife, your opinion of people in general becomes rather jaded given what your spouse deals with on a daily basis. But in the good ole days, this is really the only people who dealt with the bad (for the most part). Unfortunately, I don't feel that's the case anymore and that's the sad part.
My hope is that my son will know that there is still some good in the world as he grows up. In the meantime, I will continue to teach him that there are still some good people left who truly love others. I will continue to teach him that there isn't so much hatred in the world that love and light still shine through. I will continue to hold him close, hug him, kiss him and tell him I love him more than anything in the world multiple times a day. If there is one thing that I've learned from all of these heinous acts of violence it's been that I don't know when my last day on this Earth will be so I will try to live everyday to its fullest. I will try to remember to not sweat the small stuff and to not get too overwhelmed. I will try to always treat others as I want to be treated. I will try to always let those I love and hold dear to me know that as much as I can.
I pray for the people affected by these tragic events such as these everyday. I ask God to bless them and help their families cope with whatever the outcome may be. My thoughts and prayers are with those in Boston!
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