On March 15, 2006 we adopted our first dog from the shelter. We were told that he came from an abusive home and had many wounds both physically and emotionally. He was abused by a male and didn't like men. We took him from a walk around the building to see if he liked Jeremiah. We sat in the grass with him and he climbed in both of our laps and licked us in the face. A few short minutes later, we were traveling home with our new dog.
Bailey was our only baby for so long. He quickly became a part of our family. He was always really protective over me. He followed me whereever I went. If I went into another room even for a few minutes he followed. He was deathly afraid of thunderstorms and fireworks. So much so that he would shake for hours and use the bathroom, everywhere! He didn't like unknown men stepping foot in the front door. He even bit a few a couple of times. If the doorbell rang he went crazy. If he heard a door slam outside he went on the defense. He only barked at night if he felt it was warranted and if I needed to be alert. He was protective over our children. He loved to lay with you on the couch. He would climb up in Grant's lap to get some attention. He loved when Grant made a pallet on the floor and he got to lay on it with him. He was just as excited to see me if I was gone for 5 minutes or 5 days. When we got Bella, she made him young again. She had him play again like he was a puppy. There's no doubt in my mind that she is the reason why he lived as long as he did.
Bailey's hips and back legs were bad. He got to the point where it was difficult to walk. I could tell a few weeks before Greycie was born that he was feeling and looking old. It just happened so fast. All of a sudden the light in those eyes weren't so bright anymore. Jeremiah would keep reminding me that we would have to make a decision at some point. I was adament that he was going to live as long as he could. I refused to talk about it. After Greycie was born, he kept going downhill a little everyday. I cried a little everyday. I knew the end was drawing near. In the last week of his life he wasn't jumping up on the couch like he had done for years. I knew when he stopped jumping that it wasn't going to be much longer. This past Sunday, myself and the kids came home from church. Bailey met us at the door like always did but he fell on his side and couldn't really get up. I picked him up and held him for a while. I made him a pallet on the floor so he could lay somewhere comfortably. Jeremiah and I both looked at each other coming to an emotional and silent conclusion...let's get him through the night and once Grant was at daycare we would go to the vet for the inevitable. I put him on the bed with me for an afternoon nap like I have done for almost every Sunday for the past 8 1/2 years. After I woke up to feed Greycie, Bailey let out this howl. It was a noise I had never heard before and I immediately knew that he was dying. I picked him up and felt his heartbeat slowing down drastically. I called Jeremiah to come to me and told him that Bailey was going. I held him in my arms and within 10 minutes he was gone. I would like to think he didn't suffer. I got to be with him until the end. He got to be at home with us. I did not want to take him to the vet and make the decision of putting him down. It made me sick knowing that he would die on a cold table. He got to go at home just the way I wanted him to. I sobbed over him while Jeremiah just held me close. My puppy was gone.
For some a pet is just that a pet. For others a pet is another member of the family. Bailey was that to me. He was family. He was my boy. And I miss him terribly. I have cried every day since Sunday for the loss of my sweet boy. My home is so empty without him. It's been a slap in the face everyday that he isn't here. But I also think of the good times I had with him. How he waited all day for me to get home and how excited he was that we were here. He couldn't wait for me to sit down so he could cuddle. That dog was made for me and I was meant to choose him that day at the shelter. The past 8 1/2 years with him have been a blessing. That is what I will choose to remember. The good times and what he meant to our family. I will miss that sweet face but I remember it with a smile. I love you bunches my Bailey boy. I hope you are pain free now.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
And three became four
Jeremiah and I talked at great length about having another baby...should we try, do we want two children, can we handle it, what happens if we can't have another one, etc. There was no doubt in our minds that we wanted to give Grant a sibling. Coming from a family where I'm one of three kids and the closeness that my brother, sister and myself share I couldn't imagine not being able to give Grant that. Considering it took us so long to conceive Grant, I was completely prepared emotionally and mentally to go through that again with a second child. We visited a fertility doctor and I was on fertility medication and decided to take a break when we conceived Grant. That in itself let me know that there wasn't something wrong with me that could be explained. I had had a healthy baby without any assistance. Could I do it again? We both felt very strongly about not seeking any help from doctors or medication this go round. We knew it was physically possible for us to have a baby. We felt if it was meant to be it would. If God wanted us to have another baby we would. So we went with faith.
Four months later I have a positive pregnancy test sitting on my counter and the blood drains from my face. Jeremiah is asleep since he was working night shift and I was completely terrified. Wow! It happened so fast. I couldn't believe it. I remember the exact words that came out of my mouth the moment I saw the plus sign. I instantly started to worry. Would I be able to be a good mom to both of my babies? Would Grant be mad at me? Given Jeremiah's work schedule could I handle having two kids on my own for the majority of the time? I felt bad about being emotional about it. But I think it was a natural feeling to have with the second child. The emotion quickly became excitement and knowing God wanted us to have this baby.
I'll never forget our 12 week appointment. We were going to hear little bit's heartbeat. After speaking with the doctor and getting my measurements she pulls out the doppler to find the heartbeat. She tried and tried and couldn't find it. She says in a soft voice...let's get an ultrasound. She barely left the room to get it set up before I broke down and lost it. I was terrified. I was more worried with this pregnancy than I was with my first. I can't explain why. I questioned every twinge, ache, pain. And when she couldn't find that heartbeat I felt sick. Jeremiah and I were ushered into the ultrasound tech's room and immediately our baby was on the screen. I could see the profile and had a brief moment of...oh no, I'm going to have to see my baby and see no heartbeat. It was only a matter of seconds before I saw the flicker of the heartbeat. I then cried tears of joy. The doctor even cried with us. What a relief. That ultrasound was on Valentine's Day. What a gift we got that day to see we had a healthy baby so far with a strong heartbeat. I didn't want to be that scared or worried ever again. I should have known that baby Beam was going to be stubborn at that point. Every visit from there on out, the heartbeat was hard to find. At 21 weeks, we found out that baby Beam was going to be a girl. I was stunned. Me? With a girl? Oh boy...here we go. Girls intimidate me. Not the right now but the later down the road. I know how I was as a preteen and teenager so naturally I'm nervous that my daughter will have that attitude that I do. Stay tuned on that one...
After a short 9 months and a scheduled c-section later, Greycie Leigh Beam was born. I tell you, I would choose a scheduled c-section all over again. I had some issues coming to that conclusion but after listening to the risks and looking at the paper that I had to sign off on, it was a no brainer. Especially after hearing Jeremiah say...Ara, I just need a healthy baby and a healthy momma. Why does it matter how she gets here? I knew he was right.
After an extremely emotional night before delivery, I dropped Grant off at daycare for the last time as the only child. I came home and we loaded the car and straightened up the house and to the hospital we went. Everyone at the hospital was great...nurses, technicians, doctors. Everyone! We were geared up and ready to go. Jeremiah took the stance beside my head like last time and grabbed my hand. I laid on that table looking into his eyes gathering the strength from him that I needed to get her here. After a few short minutes, some tucks, pulls and pressure I hear the most wonderful sound of her cry and the doctor telling me that Greycie was here. At that moment looking at Jeremiah and us both crying that our baby girl was here, every single moment was so worth it.
Greycie Leigh Beam made her appearance on August 21, 2014 at 12:35 pm weighing in at 6 lbs 4.8 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. And looking every bit the spitting image of her big brother. I will never forget the look on Grant's face when he saw her for the first time. He was so excited and so soft with her. He wanted to hold her and cuddle with her and kiss her all over. And he hasn't stopped any of those things.
The world with two kids is crazy busy and sometimes you just don't know if you are coming or going some days. But the world with two kids is worth every second. There are many days I have to remind myself to be patient. I can't always be supermom and get everyone's request or demand fulfilled right away but I'm trying. I couldn't ask for a better life than what I have. Grant loves his sister more than anything in this world and tells her every day that she is his best friend. I know he won't always feel that way. I know they will get on each other's nerves and they will fight and argue. But I hope that they share the closeness that I do with my brother and sister. Our bond is inseparable and it's strong. I'm so glad that Greycie has Grant as her big brother. I hope he will always look out for her and love her and protect her. I hope she will always love him and look up to him.
My babies mean the world to me. I always hope that I will be a good mom to them. In the meantime, I'm soaking up every second of every day that I have with them. They won't stay babies forever. They will quickly grow up and before I blink they will be going to school, on dates and getting married.
To my Grant and Greycie...mommy loves you more than you will ever know. And I will always be here for you to do whatever I can to make your lives fulfilled. Love you both to the moon and back.
Four months later I have a positive pregnancy test sitting on my counter and the blood drains from my face. Jeremiah is asleep since he was working night shift and I was completely terrified. Wow! It happened so fast. I couldn't believe it. I remember the exact words that came out of my mouth the moment I saw the plus sign. I instantly started to worry. Would I be able to be a good mom to both of my babies? Would Grant be mad at me? Given Jeremiah's work schedule could I handle having two kids on my own for the majority of the time? I felt bad about being emotional about it. But I think it was a natural feeling to have with the second child. The emotion quickly became excitement and knowing God wanted us to have this baby.
I'll never forget our 12 week appointment. We were going to hear little bit's heartbeat. After speaking with the doctor and getting my measurements she pulls out the doppler to find the heartbeat. She tried and tried and couldn't find it. She says in a soft voice...let's get an ultrasound. She barely left the room to get it set up before I broke down and lost it. I was terrified. I was more worried with this pregnancy than I was with my first. I can't explain why. I questioned every twinge, ache, pain. And when she couldn't find that heartbeat I felt sick. Jeremiah and I were ushered into the ultrasound tech's room and immediately our baby was on the screen. I could see the profile and had a brief moment of...oh no, I'm going to have to see my baby and see no heartbeat. It was only a matter of seconds before I saw the flicker of the heartbeat. I then cried tears of joy. The doctor even cried with us. What a relief. That ultrasound was on Valentine's Day. What a gift we got that day to see we had a healthy baby so far with a strong heartbeat. I didn't want to be that scared or worried ever again. I should have known that baby Beam was going to be stubborn at that point. Every visit from there on out, the heartbeat was hard to find. At 21 weeks, we found out that baby Beam was going to be a girl. I was stunned. Me? With a girl? Oh boy...here we go. Girls intimidate me. Not the right now but the later down the road. I know how I was as a preteen and teenager so naturally I'm nervous that my daughter will have that attitude that I do. Stay tuned on that one...
After a short 9 months and a scheduled c-section later, Greycie Leigh Beam was born. I tell you, I would choose a scheduled c-section all over again. I had some issues coming to that conclusion but after listening to the risks and looking at the paper that I had to sign off on, it was a no brainer. Especially after hearing Jeremiah say...Ara, I just need a healthy baby and a healthy momma. Why does it matter how she gets here? I knew he was right.
After an extremely emotional night before delivery, I dropped Grant off at daycare for the last time as the only child. I came home and we loaded the car and straightened up the house and to the hospital we went. Everyone at the hospital was great...nurses, technicians, doctors. Everyone! We were geared up and ready to go. Jeremiah took the stance beside my head like last time and grabbed my hand. I laid on that table looking into his eyes gathering the strength from him that I needed to get her here. After a few short minutes, some tucks, pulls and pressure I hear the most wonderful sound of her cry and the doctor telling me that Greycie was here. At that moment looking at Jeremiah and us both crying that our baby girl was here, every single moment was so worth it.
Greycie Leigh Beam made her appearance on August 21, 2014 at 12:35 pm weighing in at 6 lbs 4.8 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. And looking every bit the spitting image of her big brother. I will never forget the look on Grant's face when he saw her for the first time. He was so excited and so soft with her. He wanted to hold her and cuddle with her and kiss her all over. And he hasn't stopped any of those things.
The world with two kids is crazy busy and sometimes you just don't know if you are coming or going some days. But the world with two kids is worth every second. There are many days I have to remind myself to be patient. I can't always be supermom and get everyone's request or demand fulfilled right away but I'm trying. I couldn't ask for a better life than what I have. Grant loves his sister more than anything in this world and tells her every day that she is his best friend. I know he won't always feel that way. I know they will get on each other's nerves and they will fight and argue. But I hope that they share the closeness that I do with my brother and sister. Our bond is inseparable and it's strong. I'm so glad that Greycie has Grant as her big brother. I hope he will always look out for her and love her and protect her. I hope she will always love him and look up to him.
My babies mean the world to me. I always hope that I will be a good mom to them. In the meantime, I'm soaking up every second of every day that I have with them. They won't stay babies forever. They will quickly grow up and before I blink they will be going to school, on dates and getting married.
To my Grant and Greycie...mommy loves you more than you will ever know. And I will always be here for you to do whatever I can to make your lives fulfilled. Love you both to the moon and back.
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