One quick year...One HUGE blessing...

I sit here tonight thinking back on this last year.  It's 8:13 when I started typing this and I think back to what was I doing 1 year ago at this moment...

I had just arrived at the hospital with contractions 2 minutes apart and 4 cm dilated.  I was hooked up to a monitor, sitting straight up while having contractions, and remembering why on earth I ever wasted $50 on my birthing class because all those "breathing techniques" you are supposed to use went straight out the window.  I remember feeling overwhelmed with knowing that within hours I would be a mommy.  Something that I had wanted and prayed for for so long.  Something that Jeremiah and I waited a long 2 years for.  But remembering the saying..."Good things come to those who wait" rang true for us.  Because I had progressed so quickly I just knew I wouldn't have any issues but little did I know that my precious baby Grant had a different agenda.  After thirteen hours of labor, a lot of excitement, no sleep, many laughs, many tears, and a pep talk from my dad, I had no other choice put to have a c-section.  At 9:15 am on November 16, 2010, Jeremiah and I became parents.  I still remember turning Jeremiah's hand completely purple and how he gently just took my hand from his and put it on the other one so he could get blood flow back.  I remember my nurse Patti (who was the most amazing person ever) lean over and say "He's here AraLeigh...Grant's here."  I remember the most precious cry and looking at the miracle we made and telling Jeremiah "He's here...he's really here." 

Jeremiah and I sat reminiscing last night about every second of being in labor.  I sit here tonight and reminisce of what the past year has been like for me.  It's been nothing short of perfection.  Grant has been the perfect baby.  Of course he knows how to throw a fit like the best of them and get angry when you take something from him.  But I couldn't have been luckier than having a baby who loves to sleep and will eat almost anything. 

I remember all the firsts that I've been able to experience...the first time he smiled at me or started cooing.  Or the moment where he started crawling and he crawled to me.  The first time he laughed.  His first word..."Hey".  The first time I felt the tinniest point of his first tooth coming through.  His first time going to the beach.  Or when I finally gave in and moved him from our room to his crib.  When I had to lower his crib because I found him standing straight up in his crib and trying to crawl over.  The first time he understood what the word "kiss" meant.  And just recently his first steps.  Now that he has it down he's walking everywhere. 

Grant has been a joy to us and our family.  I felt complete when my family of 2 became a family of 3.  I often think about what did we do before we had a baby.  I can't even think about life without Grant.  He truly is a gift from God.  A gift that God decided to bless us with when my family was going through such a trying time.  He has lightened the darkest days.  He puts a smile on my face when all I've done all day is frown.  He has dried my tears with his laughter.  He has made me realize what patience really is.  He's made me realize to enjoy every single moment regardless of how small it may be.  He's made me realize to never take anything for granted.

Mommy can't being to tell you how much she loves you little boy.  You have made me the happiest mommy in the world.  I have thoroughly loved every single moment I have been given with you this past year.  And I look forward to all the ones ahead.  Happy Birthday to my precious baby Grant.  You are loved more than you will ever know. 

Love,
Mommy

Gratitude...

I sit here tonight in a quiet house...Grant's been asleep for sometime now, Jeremiah is still working and the dogs are sleeping.  I've been playing around on the internet and researching some things when I came across a blog of a couple who documented the everyday journey of their son who had leukemia and lossed his honorable battle when he was just 3 years old.  I have read their journal entries and have just cried and cried.  As I sit in the peace and quiet with just my own thoughts, I'm struck with the overwhelming realization of how lucky I am and just how good I really do have it. 

Other than the common cold and the normal bumps and bruises, I have been blessed so far with a healthy baby boy who is almost 1 year old.  I often sit and think about how long it took me to get here.  To finally get where I am today where I know my son is soundly asleep in the other room.  For me to be able to say "my son" still feels like it's not real.  My journey to have a baby wasn't as long or trecherous as other people's journies have been.  Some people won't ever know what it feels like to have a child.  Some people lose their children at such a young age to horrific accidents or illness just as these parents have.  I've known everyday since the day I found out I was pregnant with Grant that he was a true blessing to me.  God decided to give me the precious gift of a baby and trusted his life in my hands to keep him safe and to make sure he knows he's loved.  Jeremiah and I often look at each other and say..."Can you believe he's really ours?" 

I know that I am blessed and God has answered a many of prayer for me.  But after reading the blog by the parents of this precious little boy who died of leukemia, I've been struck with what the meaning of life really is.  They sat and literally watched the last breath taken by their baby boy.  They got the priviledge to be with their son for only 3 years.  They were robbed of his childhood.  They did not get to see him grow up to a teenager or an adult and get to spend that quality time that most parents get to spend with their children.  They did not get the everyday gift of having a child who was healthy.  From the moment he was born he was diagnosed with this disease.  They never got to know the normalcy that most of us do with our kids.  Their normal and this little boy's normal was rounds of chemo, many many hospitals visits, being poked and prodded.  I read most of their entries.  Some were very detailed about his medical journey and others were just about the simple afternoons of playing outside or how he loved to put the chair up to the kitchen sink and play in the water.  The mother talked about how she smiled while watching the raw happiness over his face while he played with the water and how she sighed when she had to clean up the mess.  I sat back and thought tonight, how would I react if I found Grant doing this?  Would I let him keep playing and watch with a smile like this mother did or would I scold him for making a mess?  I cried for their loss because I now know what it would feel like to lose a child.  My heart ached for them as I read their journey.  My mind wouldn't stop thinking about how would I handle their situation. The parents kept reiterating that even though he was only in this world for a such a short amount of time the life lessons he taught them will forever be branded into their minds...especially the way he fought and wouldn't give up and how he kept smiling through it all.  I couldn't help but think why do such awful and horrible things happen to such wonderful people. 

This blog taught me to enjoy the little moments of life because it's the smallest moments that you will miss the most.  The blog taught me who cares if Grant makes a mess?  I can always clean it up and if he breaks something I can always replace it.  The blog taught me to be more patient.  We all have busy lives and I know I'm to blame more than anyone with rushing and not enjoying the simple fact that I was given another day with my family.  There's a quote that I've loved and even used in my brother-in-law's eulogy that pretty much sums up how I look at life..."Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what's in the middle that counts."  Our lives are a book...we know how it begins and we know how it will end but what we don't know is how the middle is going to be.  It's up to us to make the middle count and worth while.  To the parents of the blog I stumbled upon tonight...thank you for sharing your happiness, your grief, and your sorrow with me.  You have opened my eyes to a world I was letting pass me by. 

Days Go By...

I feel like time is just flying by so quickly.  I can't believe Grant turned 9 months old yesterday.  I can't believe Emma Grey, Ellie Kate, and Ethan all started school this week.  I often stop to think...where did the time go?  I feel like it was just yesterday that I was getting married and Heather was pregnant with Emma.  I now think about how grown up all of the kids are now and how fast it's all passing us by. 

I just want to freeze time and have Grant stay this age for a little while longer.  He is so much fun right now.  I'm trying to soak up every moment I can get with him because before I know it he will be older and doing his own thing.  He's crawling so fast.  Let's just say if he walks as fast as he crawls then I'm in trouble.  There have been times where he has been right beside me and next thing I know I'm looking all over the house for him.  He's not far from walking.  He's getting the hang of balancing on his feet and when I put him down he wants to stand all the time.  He is also learning the words "no no" even though he doesn't always listen to them.  :)  He's definitely a momma's boy and I have to say that I enjoy every single minute of that.  What mother wouldn't?  Grant is definitely on the move these days and I can't wait for the days ahead to experience all the new things that's in store for us.  Mommy loves you Grant!

A Love Like None Other

I know it's been quite a while since I have updated the blog but being a mother of a newborn is a very busy life.  Grant is almost 6 months now.  As I'm thinking of the approaching date of the 16th that will mark his 6 month birthday, I think back on how quickly the past months have flown by.  I honestly can't believe that my baby will be 6 months old.  I can't believe that he is up on his knees trying to crawl.  I can't believe that he is eating solids.  I can't believe that he smiles and laughs all day long.  And I honestly can't believe that I have the honor of being his mother. 

I find myself looking back at pictures of when I was pregnant and of Grant's birth.  I remember every detail so vividly.  I remember the overwhelming feeling of joy when I found out I was pregnant.  I remember the overflowing pride of when we found out we were having a boy.  I remember the pure raw emotion of when Grant finally entered the world and I heard the most wondoruous sound of his cry.  And I remember feeling like the luckiest mom in the world when I finally got to hold my baby boy and look into his eyes for the first time. 

Being a mom is the best job in the world and I have loved every single minute of it.  Grant has really been an easy baby.  He has slept through the night since he was 8 weeks old.  I haven't felt tired from lack of sleep.  Needless to say, most moms let me know that I'm really lucky.  He loves to be on a schedule and if you throw him off by even 15 minutes, he is going to let you know he doesn't like it.   

I've always known what love is and what it feels like to be loved and to love others. But I never realized how much I could love someone until Grant came along. The smiles that he gives me and Jeremiah are priceless and are unlike any that he gives others. The recognition in his eyes when he looks at me is undeniable. When other people are holding him and he constantly looks back to make sure that I'm still there melts my heart. He is such a special baby. A baby that I prayed for long and hard. Sometimes it still seems hard to believe that my prayers were answered and that we were blessed with such a beautiful happy baby boy. We sure were given such a special gift...we love you Grant!