I sit here tonight in a quiet house...Grant's been asleep for sometime now, Jeremiah is still working and the dogs are sleeping. I've been playing around on the internet and researching some things when I came across a blog of a couple who documented the everyday journey of their son who had leukemia and lossed his honorable battle when he was just 3 years old. I have read their journal entries and have just cried and cried. As I sit in the peace and quiet with just my own thoughts, I'm struck with the overwhelming realization of how lucky I am and just how good I really do have it.
Other than the common cold and the normal bumps and bruises, I have been blessed so far with a healthy baby boy who is almost 1 year old. I often sit and think about how long it took me to get here. To finally get where I am today where I know my son is soundly asleep in the other room. For me to be able to say "my son" still feels like it's not real. My journey to have a baby wasn't as long or trecherous as other people's journies have been. Some people won't ever know what it feels like to have a child. Some people lose their children at such a young age to horrific accidents or illness just as these parents have. I've known everyday since the day I found out I was pregnant with Grant that he was a true blessing to me. God decided to give me the precious gift of a baby and trusted his life in my hands to keep him safe and to make sure he knows he's loved. Jeremiah and I often look at each other and say..."Can you believe he's really ours?"
I know that I am blessed and God has answered a many of prayer for me. But after reading the blog by the parents of this precious little boy who died of leukemia, I've been struck with what the meaning of life really is. They sat and literally watched the last breath taken by their baby boy. They got the priviledge to be with their son for only 3 years. They were robbed of his childhood. They did not get to see him grow up to a teenager or an adult and get to spend that quality time that most parents get to spend with their children. They did not get the everyday gift of having a child who was healthy. From the moment he was born he was diagnosed with this disease. They never got to know the normalcy that most of us do with our kids. Their normal and this little boy's normal was rounds of chemo, many many hospitals visits, being poked and prodded. I read most of their entries. Some were very detailed about his medical journey and others were just about the simple afternoons of playing outside or how he loved to put the chair up to the kitchen sink and play in the water. The mother talked about how she smiled while watching the raw happiness over his face while he played with the water and how she sighed when she had to clean up the mess. I sat back and thought tonight, how would I react if I found Grant doing this? Would I let him keep playing and watch with a smile like this mother did or would I scold him for making a mess? I cried for their loss because I now know what it would feel like to lose a child. My heart ached for them as I read their journey. My mind wouldn't stop thinking about how would I handle their situation. The parents kept reiterating that even though he was only in this world for a such a short amount of time the life lessons he taught them will forever be branded into their minds...especially the way he fought and wouldn't give up and how he kept smiling through it all. I couldn't help but think why do such awful and horrible things happen to such wonderful people.
This blog taught me to enjoy the little moments of life because it's the smallest moments that you will miss the most. The blog taught me who cares if Grant makes a mess? I can always clean it up and if he breaks something I can always replace it. The blog taught me to be more patient. We all have busy lives and I know I'm to blame more than anyone with rushing and not enjoying the simple fact that I was given another day with my family. There's a quote that I've loved and even used in my brother-in-law's eulogy that pretty much sums up how I look at life..."Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what's in the middle that counts." Our lives are a book...we know how it begins and we know how it will end but what we don't know is how the middle is going to be. It's up to us to make the middle count and worth while. To the parents of the blog I stumbled upon tonight...thank you for sharing your happiness, your grief, and your sorrow with me. You have opened my eyes to a world I was letting pass me by.
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