I've been thinking a lot lately about my brother-in-law, Russell and how much I miss him and where do we go from here. Don't get me wrong...I think about him every single day but lately my heart has been really heavy. You can blame it on the hormonal pregnant thing or you can just simply say that my heart isn't no where near healed from him being gone.
It's been 6 months now and even though those 6 months have flown by it still seems as time has been standing still for some of us. My sister has been done such an amazing job at being so strong and getting through every single day. She gets up every morning and does what she has to do to get through the day...she does this for Emma and she does this for herself because she knows that she doesn't have any other choice. I have always admired my sister and looked up to her but now more than ever she is such an inspiration to me and I become more proud of her every single day. Losing your spouse and your whole world turning upside down is not easy and those that think so obviously have never had anything or anyone close to them taken away. She is an amazing wife, an awesome mom, and the best sister and best friend that anyone could ever have. She has helped me so much the past few months get ready for this baby and I couldn't thank her enough for that. I know helping me prepare for Grant hasn't probably been easy on her and her emotions but she is the one that has put my mind at ease and has helped me come up with a plan and get organized.
The words "over it" have been brought to my attention this past week and the simple thought that many people assume that 6 months is plenty of time to heal and get "over it". Even though no one has spoken these words to me or my family...it's just a simple impression that you get when you know people are judging you or looking at you. Do you ever get "over" someone close to you passing away? My answer to that is absolutely NOT. You never get over it. You have to learn to live a new life and learn how to get through it. How long is it enough time to grieve? My answer to that is there isn't an answer for that. Everyone grieves differently. For some 6 months may be plenty of time but for others it could take a long time. For those that have been fortunate enough to have never experienced hardships or the trajedy of someone close to you passing away consider yourselves very lucky. Very lucky that you haven't had to learn to deal with the heartache and emptiness that is left inside of you. I simply ask that if you do fall into this category that you be sympathetic and understanding to those that aren't as fortunate as you. No one is asking for you to bring it up daily or to give them "that look" because we all know that everyone's lives continue. But I do think those that have lost someone are asking for you to be mindful that their world isn't. We are all busy and we all have our own things going on. But one person's life may not be just that simple. For those of us that have been unfortunate enough to have experienced hardships and the trajedy of losing someone...I commend you. I commend you and look up to you for getting through every day and for forcing a smile to make someone happy. No one really knows and understands what goes on in your head and in your heart.
Even though I try to understand the loss that my sister deals with everyday and I try to be her rock...I don't know what that emptiness she feels everyday feels like. I can only let her know every single day that I love her and that I am here for her no matter what. She knows that she can tell me anything. She knows that she can call me anytime and I will answer that phone and talk to her. She knows that she can call me and not say a word and just cry and I will cry with her. She knows that I can make her smile and laugh when she needs it. She knows that I will not judge her or tell her what she needs to do. She knows that I am there to help her with Emma and anything that she needs. She knows that I am her sister and I am her best friend and I am not far away. My sister is wonderful and amazing and one of the strongest people I know and I love her very much!
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